I wanted to explain the importance of this eclipse on July 27th, 2018 eastern and in some areas of the world, it even falls onto my birthday on the 28th… both for the collective as well as reflecting on the meaning in my own life experiences.
This morning I was blind-sighted with some horrible health related news for myself. I’ve dealt with chronic pain now for a decade, having had multiple surgical procedures on my spine. I have Degenerative Disc Disease. I also happen to have Fibromyalgia, and Hidradenitis Suppurativa, Asthma… and that’s just the physical ailments, not even touching the co-occurring mental illnesses I have.
I’ve had knee pain for weeks… I literally tried to work through it. I can bet I am viewed on my job’s security cameras limping my way through the rounds. I push myself too hard and I deny my own pain. I have a history of putting the needs of others far above my own, even to the point of severely neglecting myself and even my dire medical needs. Just like this.
The pain became intolerable. I limped worse, ibuprofen was no longer even touching the excruciating pain. I had an MRI done at 8pm last night, and with all of the MRIs I’ve ever had done I can say I have never had one come back with results to my primary doctor with such speed. My doctor called me this morning… I have Avascular Necrosis in my left knee. It’s very serious.
I immediately broke down, had a panic attack in my bathroom. Uncontrollably sobbing, hyperventilating, my throat and chest constricting and a perceived inability to breathe as well as the doom of this discovery hovering over me. I ran into the bathroom to get through it because I wanted to spare my sensitive toddler the experience in watching mommy freak the fuck out. Once the panic subsided I was able to kind of pull myself together better. I still had tears streaming down my face for a couple of more hours, uncontrollably. I feel like my life is over. I’m just barely 31 and pretty physically limited. Always in pain. It gets extremely tiring especially in times that I am lacking mental/emotional stability that I feel I am having lately. I can’t even pinpoint why that is. I’m definitely in the pity party stage right now. I fight with my own faith in things, the universe, like why the fuck do things like this happen to certain people, and others are spared? Like my stepson with Duchene Muscular Dystrophy. It’s devastating. Why? How is this just? And I don’t need to beat myself up over that or suppress that, fuck that. The only way to overcome anything is to face it head-on. I have a right to feel whatever I feel. I don’t need your judgement.
I feel the need to let everyone know this, I have Chiron transiting my 6th house. This is why I believe in astrology… I am having my health issues magnified and brought to my attention during this transit. Transiting Chiron is 1 degree away from being exactly conjunct my North Node in Aries. Eventually I will get past this all.
And this is where I can begin tying this crap of mine into this upcoming eclipse. The right to be my own authentic self, to feel what I feel without apologies. To be who I truly am and to not let a damn person dictate who I am, because no one truly knows but me. And the same goes for everybody, literally. This eclipse is about throwing the bullshit of conditioning we’ve experienced from our families, from our peers, from the fucking media; all telling us what we need to be, what is accepted in society and what is rejected, and guess what? It’s the opportunity given so blatantly to us, if we just so choose to open our eyes: to wake the fuck up.
Life is too damn short to live your life passively pleasing other people. It’s time to please yourself. It’s time to care for yourself. It’s time you put your own needs first, be fucking selfish. Stop feeling guilt over setting boundaries for your own well-being. Fuck all of that noise.
Look, I am dropping the F-bomb an awful lot here. Sorry, not sorry. It’s passion bitches.
We’ve got Mars conjuncting the Moon during this Eclipse, both in Aquarius; forming a T-square with Uranus in Taurus and all this shit is in the mix with the South Node, also in Aquarius. It’s time to be damn proud of who you are, what makes you unique, and your individual gifts you possess. It’s also time to hone your skills and passions. Dive right in because now is the time moreso than ever.
I must also note this is said to be the longest duration of a Lunar Eclipse occurring in a very long time, lasting over 100 minutes long. It is not a time of rebirth we are talking here. It’s a whole entire re-do and throwing the mistakes of the past out of the picture. This whole time won’t exactly be exempt from a horrid mess. Things will get emotionally messy. Look, we’ve got the Moon in a tangle with Mars and Uranus. This is a given. The best we can individually do is look within for grounding and guidance for ourselves. Try to avoid explosion and implosion. There are better ways than these to express ourselves.
I have posted below a wonderfully inspiring astrologer I have been following for years. Here is a podcast on Katrina of @daily_astrology_ on Instagram’s interpretation of this Eclipse’s meaning and purpose for us all. I feel she is far more coherent in her explanations than I can ever be, and I truly appreciate her.
It’s time for me to rest. Lord knows I need it, and perhaps I will have more insight again before this eclipse. We all need to be easy on ourselves.